There they are sitting in my backyard, not talking to one another. Each in his own mind plotting their line °ƒ defense. If they wouldn’t acknowledge one another, who am I then to do otherwise. They are all part °ƒ me. But they are not. They each stem from various memories, both true and fabricated. I sometimes forget which. What would I do ωιτн them? What will I ever do without them? That’s a recently recurring question to which I know not τнε answer yet. Maybe I should just let them be. Τнεy seem okay this way. But interaction may be better for them. Not that I haven’t tried to do that in τнε past. Ωιτн no success I might add. I think I’ll just let them be. For now. Till they meet again.
Last year didn’t start very well for me. Neither did it end on a good note. But taking stock of it, it wasn’t a bad year by most people’s standards. Just a lot of disappointments and dashed dreams. But it’s okay. There’s always this year.
I was jolted awake this morning by a singular thought. To take charge of my life this year. I know life throws a lot of bullshit our way but I’m determined to go past that and not to let it get the best of me.
Don’t ask me how. I’m working on it.
Do you ever feel sometimes like your life doesn’t belong to you? Like someone else is pulling the strings. If you do, then maybe you’ll understand how I feel right now. Having your life literally controlled by someone else whom you don’t remember giving permission to do so probably doesn’t sound serious unless you are experiencing it. It could be a parent. Or a boss.
Whichever it is, there comes a time, or a day when you get like “I’ve had enough of this” and decide it was time for some things to change. But then you find out you don’t really know what to do or even if you do, you don’t think you can go through with it. The latter is usually the case. Whether it’s moving out of your parent’s or partner’s house or quitting your job, it isn’t an easy decision.
But I think we can usually do whatever we put our mind to if we ignore that negative voice telling us to leave things the way they were. Well, I’m not going to sit on my butt and complain and moan about the unfairness of life any longer. What I’m going to do is get up and rearrange my life and probably those in it too. I may succeed. I may not. But I think that in retrospect what would matter would be that I did something.
You know those rare moments when everything seems to be working out for you, whether it’s the star aligning in your favour or whatever, God is smiling on you. Whether you believe it or not, it is what it is.
And you know what, I can feel the stars aligning in my favour. My turn is now.
It’s always so wonderful to hear from your partner or lover before going to bed. Much more so when you are far away. This one is to you. Good night lovers. Till tomorrow.
I read somewhere that most marriages don’t begin with ‘I Love You’. Instead they begin with ‘I’M PREGNANT’.